My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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