just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
