end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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