wakey wakey hands off snakey
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
