If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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