So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants