omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
