I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We talked him into tasing himself.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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