I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?