I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
