You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
