i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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