I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
