But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
