Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
