Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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