We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
