is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
