It's like God shit irony all over that family
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
