wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
