Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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