i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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