is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
