I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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