I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
