fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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