Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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