i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
