Heybabeimwearingurpanties
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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