her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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