i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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