Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
