if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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