I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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