apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
