yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
