I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
