You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
