I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
