The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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