I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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