It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize