Too much gin, very little bucket
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
