We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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