Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
