Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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