Christians are straight up FREAKS
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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