haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
