Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
