News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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