Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Green mimosas i think yes
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
