i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Are my feet made of real feet?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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