i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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