I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
