Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
