Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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