and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
