can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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