cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
