am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
