I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
