I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
As shirtless as possible
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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