you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
