lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
