My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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