the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
