So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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