I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
