We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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