Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
