I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
